Bringing Kindfulness into Back to School Preparation

For most children returning “back to school” in the upcoming weeks, it will have been almost 6 months since they last stepped foot inside of a classroom. For many of these students, the very thought of returning to school may cause muscle tension, a loss of sleep and complaints of an upset stomach—all signs of anxiety. This makes sense since uncertainty is the primary driver of anxiety and uncertainty is the word most of us would probably use to describe 2020. 

Let’s take a moment to consider the start of the upcoming school year from a child’s perspective. In addition to the regular unknowns associated with the start of a new school year, such as a new classroom, a new teacher, new learning expectations and maybe even new peers in the classroom, if this is the first time that your child has seen their friends and peers since lockdown, they may feel overwhelmed by their emotions and even feel a sense of anxiety about the status of their relationships, since they last interacted with their social circle.

Also, since it is highly unlikely that any child who spent the lockdown at home maintained a routine akin to a school timetable, the very thought of getting back into a more rigid routine may cause worry, even though children thrive off of routine. It has also been a while since students formally completed assignments and tests, so there may be an additional element of anxiety around formal evaluations. For students entering middle or high school, or changing schools altogether, there will be added pressure of a new school environment.

Furthermore, children are very aware of the fears surrounding COVID-19 (even if their families may have normalized these fears within their home). Wearing a mask, being expected to maintain social distance and other new expectations are additional stressors for children who are already burdened with so many uncertainties about the upcoming school year, as well as their parents/caregivers and educators. 

For these reasons and many more, during these lasts few days and weeks of Summer Break, the realization that change is imminent will inevitably preoccupy the minds of most school age children. Mindfulness can be an invaluable tool to help cultivate resilience, emotional intelligence and awareness— which can help to ease worries as well as support children to navigate the challenges life throws their way with calm, confidence and grace.

Those of you who have some familiarity with Mindfulness and who have experienced its benefits first-hand are likely aware of how it can be helpful to make a smoother transition back to school. But, for those of you who do not have first hand experience, here are some tips on how to establish a Mindfulness practice with your child, so as to help them activate the superpowers required to calm their worries and any other BIG emotions they may be experiencing.

Establish a Routine 

Routine provides a sense of predictability, which is comforting and reassuring for children (even if they fight them!). Establish a routine with your children as soon as possible before school begins, to begin practising new expectations, such as waking up and sleeping earlier, so that children have a chance to ease into new schedules rather than perceiving them as punishment. It is very likely that bedtime routines will have been disrupted ­— and that is okay. The task at hand is to gradually settle them into bed earlier, so that it is not a shock to their system the night before school starts.

The value of presence should not be underestimated: positively sending children off to school in the mornings and being present when they return is a priceless gift for children of all ages.

Finally, ensure that children's schedules allow for a good balance between stimulating activities and downtime, as this will enable them to keep stress at bay and to mindfully engage in the activities in their schedule. If you would like more free detailed information on how to develop a well-balanced routine, please check out this worksheet I developed.

Establish a Daily Family Kindfulness Practice

Find a few moments daily, even just five minutes, to sit quietly and to focus on your breath or on the experiences and sensations in the present moment. How we start the day influences how long it takes us to settle down and be ready to learn/work. It can be magical to start the day together in silence, as it ensures that we start the day off on the right note, however any time during the day is a good time. For younger children, cultivating Kindfulness needs to be play-based so you can choose an affirmation card to discuss together or spend a few minutes engaging in a breathing exercise or practising a yoga pose (if you’re looking for some fun and playful breathing exercises to practice with your children, check these out)

After each practice, debrief with your child about how they are feeling. Younger children can report how they are feeling via a Mood Meter, a weather report (sunny, stormy, rainy, etc.), Emojis or with a thumbs up/down/sideways. Sports analogies or songs are a fun way to check-in with older children. Don’t forget to also share how you are feeling with your children. These check-ins allow everyone participating to get a sense of the overall climate in the room, in that moment, which can help you to adjust how you interact with your family members based on what they share with you.

Set Intentions

Setting an intention before you begin your day is a powerful practice because it’s the first step to embodying what you want. Wayne Dyer states, “Our intention creates our reality.” In The Mindful Brain, Dr. Dan Siegel states that “Intentions create an integrated state of priming, a gearing up of our neural system to be in the mode of that specific intention: we can be readying to receive, to sense, to focus, to behave in a certain manner.”

An intention is a guiding principle for how you want to be, live, feel and show up in the world— but it shouldn’t be confused with a goal. Intentions are not the tangible goals that you set, but rather, are heart-driven and evoke feeling and purpose. It’s not something you attach an expectation or evaluation to, it’s just something you want to align with in your life. Setting an intention is a way to bring your heart and mind into alignment. When you focus your mind on a specific intention, you bring it to your focused mind, your thoughts and your heart, which in turn helps to bring it into reality.

Intentions can be general, such as being fully present or sending out love to the world, or they can be specific, such as practising being non-judgmental of your partner. In order to develop an intention, ask yourself, what matters most to you? Your answer may form a powerful intention, upon which you can align your thoughts during your mindfulness practice. It is important to note that intentions do not stop when mindfulness practices end— you should carry them with you so that they can guide your actions as you move through your day.

Mindfulness Objects

It can be helpful for children to have have an object to help them focus their busy minds or to ease their worries. I have worked with children who carry worry rocks, chimes or bells to help them activate their superpowers to be calm, focused or present. Another great tool that helps to physically depict how our minds and bodies can go from feeling scattered and messy to still and calm is a Mindfulness Jar. These are fairly easy to make and are a great activity for children of all ages.

Mind-Body Integration

Sometimes it can be challenging to get back into our bodies, and the present moment, especially after a busy day at work/school. To help integrate brain and body, you can use a reverberating object, such as a singing bowl, a bell or rainstick. Invite your child to sit quietly and listen to the sound of the object as you activate it. Ask them to make a signal when they can no longer hear the sound and then prompt them to notice how they are feeling. Don’t forget to also notice your own state of integration.

Nature walks are another great way to become grounded in the present moment and to get settled into our bodies. Even a short 10 minute walk can do wonders after a long day at school or work, to help us refocus our energies as well as to connect with ourselves in a calm and aware manner. While walking with children, point out small nuances in nature, such as patterns on a leaf or markings on a bird, to help them focus their attention on the present moment. 

Gratitude

Thanks to our innate negativity bias, we are hard-wired to remember everything that goes wrong in our day (and our entire lives!), while we struggle to identify and recall all the great things that happen. 

Engaging in a gratitude practice helps us to embody the emotions and sensations associated with positive experience. It can help guide us toward equanimity by balancing out our perception of what has occurred during the day. Gratitude practice is a simple way to remind ourselves and others about the things that matter. Sharing something we’re grateful for is a beautiful way to end the day with our loves ones and to encourage positive thinking and attitudes in children.

1:1 Quality Time

Spending individual quality time with children is supported by research to be one of the most critical requirements for healthy social and emotional development, as well as a significant protective factor in the lives of happy, resilient children. Having a daily discussion with your child about their emotions (including their worries) is helpful for them as well as you. Never dismiss what your child tells you— be understanding, discuss coping strategies and assure them that you are always there for them, no matter what they share with you or are experiencing.

If 1:1 time is not possible on a given day or your child enjoys writing or art, encourage them to write down or depict their thoughts and feelings ­— good and bad— in a journal or sketchbook. This allows them to realize and organize their thoughts and emotions, whilst giving you insight as to what they are thinking and experiencing.

For parents/caregivers who are working from home while your children continue to learn from home, the boundaries between work and personal space will continue to be hazy. I shared some tips on how to help children thrive while learning from home in this recent blog post, but I also want to note that it is important to be mindful of how you present and interact with others, as well as your own responsibilities. If your child observes that you are in negative space, it will likely rub off on them too. Although work is important, try not to lose lose sight of what your child is experiencing and undergoing, and do not overlook the importance of supporting and assuring them during this challenging time. The return “back to school” (even if they are learning from home), including all the expectations, worries and pressures, will be one the hardest challenges of the year for most children. 

On a final note, I want to mention that as parents/caregivers, you may also have anxieties too, and this is to be expected. Having had your children around you for such a long time, and then not having them there during the day will undoubtedly be a huge change. Not every parent will feel relieved that their children are returning to school. For many, how schools will ensure their children’s safety is a significant concern. Although the majority of this is out of our hands as parents, we can still ensure our children maintain a clean, safe and positive attitude.

These Kindfulness practices can assist you in expanding beyond thinking, planning and doing to being, thereby allowing you and your children to begin (and continue) the school year with equanimity, grace and joy. Although there will be bumps in the road, as this is a new terrain for all of us, we create and sustain ourselves, our families and our communities with love, good intentions, focus, gratitude and Kindfulness. 

One day you and your children will look back at this time with a sense of achievement and pride at how you overcame one of the biggest challenges of the year and possibly, your life.